In the Night Living Life

I was a soaring sun in azure before I ever felt the momentary grasp of a void or its unknown hazards
Now I’ve shown rivers long for departure black in fashion; drowning youth, invincibility and passion
The daggers of betrayal held by “I love you” and “forever after”, I laugh to keep from crying in the tragic
I laugh to keep from crying though my spirit is in atrophy, fated alongside the universe and its casket
A revery between sudden sadness and madness that’ll be forever held atop the precipice of a razor and dictated by the whims of cherubs

My scars are a reminder that life is short but very precious, nothing can imitate this not even plastic
And although I struggle daily with depression, living underneath this mass fears dark and static
I seek out light as a ship lost in an ocean with storms unending, constant rocking motion are shakes of devotion to panic
Folded hands and bent knees, but it all becomes meaningless in the deep, love language and curses course after
In this abyssal shadow of infatuation now settled, I’ve learned to embrace all abrasives with laughter

They’ll prick you expecting molten steel to drip out to further a template of the ideal, despite it deepening a disaster
They’ll plaster your face over every facade that sees the light of day with slander, to take solace in a peace that’s more phantasmal
You’ve become a sacrifice for lives that deny your very existence and visceral, the freedom of choice is the lure in a lullaby’s vehicle
Between the scythe and sickle as it counts down to meet you, “you were a wonderful person” that’ll insist without really knowing you
Flowery wreaths over the unspoken misery kept haphazardly hidden, you’ll forever be a hero despite never feeling completely cinematic

©2023 loose.leaf.lover

Buy In

Pain becomes bars that imprison the soul, the bitterness a poison that dissolves its own
Swallowed whole, the daily offerings of a love soured and cold, worshipped the scars sole
The hauntings that’ll never move on, an entanglement beyond the crossing of flesh and bone
The hatred further stoked on by the lungs and tongue, the ecstasy of doing our trespassers wrong
The constant dance of destruction wrought by the flames of our love, a flamberge one holds

To exact a toll once struck and reverberated in the mental, I speak of broken vows and a withered rose
Estrangement with the stars veering off course into the abysmal, shrouded by sage can’t see the hole
The infinite emptiness that arose from taking hold and clutching strong to the whole, never letting go
Checking every chart just to know what future we’ve sowed, dismissing the possibility that we’re just done
Blinded to it all due to the closeness to a few pixels shown, that screen ratio theatre where emojis perform

That vanity mirror showing souls malformed, since seeking digital nourishment rather than the source
All in flux over a fashion that’s faux, overly stimulated but nowhere near motivated to disconnect and go
Down to gaping wounds left unclothed, splayed at the altar daily with every stigma we recall upon perfect prayer
And we hold the imperfect and easily malleable accountable, because we alone are saints to all this living decomposing
I could love but I’m a flame all consuming, and no measure of warning could ever prepare you for the worse

©2023 loose.leaf.lover

The World’s A Vampire

Behind the enamel of a smile, lurks this feeling of uneasiness and dreams unfulfilled
A fractured frame portraying whole, spilling mosaics in tears from the erosion of years
Forever twisted, my views seem kaleidoscopic until the light gives and the darkness lives
The trials that life gives makes one multifaceted in this sojourn upon a blue sphere
The sermons and testimony from multitudes steadily shifting with changes between gears

Countless sacrifices go unspoken and unclaimed, just for the top few to drain what remains
Gods, kings and sages…we adorn ourselves in wreaths and give titles for what we deem heavenly
We wonder why peace is as elusive as spectres in daylight, constantly struggling in our own filth
What is man if not a clay of social construct, our collective hubris paints us despite the decay
What deity would lend name just for it to be struck and rewritten in the blood by the depraved

Create dissonance within yourself just for a name, families of another line the grave for lone harmony
The abundance gets whittled away in schemes some orchestrate, turn love into hate for wrong doing
Enslave generations and then build up a culture atop it, rinse then repeat until the brainwashing is complete
To question the shape and shapers of reality is to incur wrath of the one percent, the all seeing at the pyramid’s peak
Promising henchmen a tiny piece to put a mind at ease, but nothing wards the attempts of death the thief

©2023 loose.leaf.lover

Spiral Of Day

Because what’s dead is dead in a season of countless moving on, I’ve grown more hollow now

Twilight draped in armeni with touches of an autumn crown, summer leaves in embers brown

Myself, a shade of bourbon drowned inside a heart-shaped crystalline, so fragile a restless mind

I’ve embodied a spirit of hellfire that engulfs every wish ever announced, a love that devoured the divine

You’re always someone’s ugliest arrangement when it comes to breaking up, screams of broken cords

You see the sun from far away, the life nurturing rays glimpsed by everything kissed in holiest hexagonal

The weather changes but that one feels a constant that might stay, but people are seldom that at all

Consumed by fires that remain from day to day, my hands have known paradise before fallout occurred

Somewhere I overstayed has taking up the palest grey, the price of a burgeoning flame is constant loss

I dwell the wintry depths for some sort of normalcy, the relief from curses tied so neatly to my own

To live is to traverse every part of the spectrum hands have wrung, bleed experience of the bygone

Even the sun has a setting it can’t avoid, a sword recklessly unsheathed shall surely know blood

What wondrous eden these eyes have seen of, I can still point to the exact scar love is buried on

The faintness of a smile wrestled from an intrusive fog, I see angels where others deem devil’s are

And to this all I’m not above, I burn in the deepest hue of you regardless of if it’s known

©2022 loose.leaf.lover

And When I’m Gone…

The devil’s been on my trail with bewitchment in the mirror, how can I get through grinning ear to ear?

The pressure steady increases from year to year, the fear forms from nebulous nothingness ’til it’s flesh here

The plot twist is blocks on a rotating axis, forever shifting my conscience speaks a refined rubix

In my mind, I’m learning to live in heavy confines, because speaking mine has always led to no peace

Bled in surrealism whenever wounded by life’s many absurdities, this unnerved being in blue unfeeling

In a hail of words a hell arose and colour dispersed, and nothing since fills this void but loneliness and dirt

I’m stuck behind this vista view in a fortress of sticks and stones and other insult, just go ahead and leave a note

I’ll be sure to get back to you when I feel enough to give a fuck, until then I’ll find myself trying to get up

It’s never the love gone but apparitions of heated words that lived on, and I’m a pawn moved by abusive tones

Now, you can just keep your crown of upliftment if it just leads me to mostly frowns, tired of hanging just to be down

Without the outside interference I’m ever bit of bliss, I rather wear misplaced titles than live in narcissism

I’m more flawed and pissed off than any art can impart, I light up the dark without usage of any stones or wristwatch

The bruises from effort are a starry night for van gogh painted in the asylum, I hold this through every schism

The cracks are showing through the ramparts, those golden era ideas are gold plated when you were the building block

The sharper of my existence is me, but I’m increasingly feeling the tug of war and the exhaust

©2022 loose.leaf.lover

In This Maddening After

A curse lingers from my lips in cursive, this could be you at first glance— I forget

The crossing and looping of oil slicks, our fallen constellations rest in abyssal silence

I forget the more I'm submerged into it, I used to recall lines of conversation

These wounds bloomed serpents in gardens, paradise feels now foreign and toxic

The mere sight of me becomes cause to flee, the pain of thorns eclipsed dewed roses

A curse lingers on my person, what I've touched has withered and turned to ashes

A bastion cracked and broken, now we only live in this moment...in this maddening after

I guess we'll miss the rapture, becoming so captive in this hellish sprawl of clashes

It's not enough to just dwell on every waking day in my conscience, you're karma wrathful

Have you caught the stare of the cosmos, feel stars turn flares eternal for your trespasses?

An emotion so strong I can feel it always upon us, the passion became a ocean of corpses

And each one had my face and fate countless times over, that look in red flooded from torrents

A condemnation from which there is no atonement, I live on in a forever of curses

And though I may appear to you joyous, you'll never know the blaze that engulfs me

The living dead I've cultured, the rattling bones of skeletons becoming this numbness of nothing

©2022 loose.leaf.lover

In Search Of Daffodils

Most of my background's accented in lunar phases, the struggles beyond these pages

No silver laurels in appraisement could ever frame this actuality that I'm facing

Three in the morning pacing coupled with all of these mirror gazes, heart's still racing

Dreams dying into the darkness of a nightmare's scream, a pair of shades my face is hidden in

Scenes to seam in all that I've seen, insomnia feels like sleepwalking in the living

On the cusp seeking euphoria in blinding day, moments before a carousel passes away

A light that beckons forth through murky haze, a brass ring of yesterday corrodes and fade scene

Sinister glow as if a photo overexposed that regresses to greys, the embers of fallout made

I'm a pendulum's sway away from a sudden dawn through night's skyway, pulses of a impulse laid

To the shadow of oblivion we all pray, inactivity in the passiveness of cattle for greener pastures

And they just want entertainment at the cost of estrangement, fireworks to fulfillment's centre

The reality grows slightly more dimmer, and the quality of life goes that much quicker

Answers get replaced with the makeshift anecdotal, stability for the open-ended

Because fear still exists even in clutches steel borne, the strength to push forwards over self-fulfilling

The constant reminder that you matter when everything says other, the love sometimes becomes muddled within

©2022 loose.leaf.lover

A Crater Becomes A Wound

The evil's fresh off the vine where every slither had a hiss, the defilement of a environment

The seizing of paradise, then the whoring of innocence, the gory amidst the clandestine

Our hubris in the dubious bend of every print or mend of a mint, blood steady drips

The paranoia that goes behind every siren's consignment, the history after his story finishes

The wounds that continue to fester underneath, ignored for what seems assured and heavensent

The truth is indifferent from living your truth, what's understood doesn't need to be edited

The muddier the entanglement, the more muggy our perceptions grip a numbing grey of irrelevance

The mass skeletons that steady creeps out of every facet deemed a quality of flawlessness

To see and yet be blinded to the tilted scales, but justice wore a hood with eye slits

The focus is to fuel the warping of views, the eras had always been hued in a rosy tint

But one day at a time, the seeds for misdeeds has even more good deeds to compete with

I know where I'm from and the care that came from all walks of life, the figures that gave a shit

State sanctioned violence will have you looking like wilderness, layered images chalked on concrete

The servitude to a attitude that sees you less than a human view, myriad hues bleeds into a azure abyss

Prayers go up as bullets rain down right around playgrounds, the nature of humanity in bliss


©2022 loose.leaf.lover

If I Ain’t Got Nothin’

From the stitches to the scars, on a pavement for a war wafting of flames for waywardness

Numb the senses until I can perform every bit appearing seamless, breaking up shit

In a instance, cracked through more than the whole, I drown in a blue that's rhythmless

The euphoria of denial that seems a cloudless day of azure and gold into a late night's tryst

Something to do, trying to keep from breaking down and entering a final existential crisis

These imperfections of steel trying hard to perform worth, being a opus of a hammer's yield

The myriad colours of black that lined the abyss of questioning existence, the structure built

You can look insane in front of any mirrored-tinted frames, fun only privilege gilds

And when the smoke finally does clear, your structure will still be a scar the world feels

Feeling the fears of a mortal minute of struggle into the indifference a eternity has reared

The feeling in knowing the truth in fighting to be each and every day, a different type of gospel

This isn't a message for the choir, this is a shout into a eternity of cascading echoes

For those that the labyrinth mires your deepest want, the literal chains ever present

An elusive peace in a proclamation guised in glimmers, presence of sunlight and divinity

The journey forwards has been one on wounded feet, every step into a numbness just to be free

©2022 loose.leaf.lover

The Emp^r^r

Here comes another stone thrown to further the weight of my boulder of burdens

Absolutes become murky, crystal blue to polluted streams from wastelands of depravity

A word alone can silence another's story, a executioner's blade in the hand of a murderer

Newly emerged to you, but every vessel has a meet with shattering to reveal slivers and contents

What's tranquil to you is built on shackles and chains, no one immortalizes the slave in marvel

Fragile as a house of cards, the silhouette of a spade lays over the shoulders of a sovereign

They want you to have an ace up your sleeves in any climate, but odds are odds regardless

The curse lingers on into the modern, never to know when dawn may harbor damocles in its arches

Where the slightest breeze can be a pale horse's thunderous arrival to bloody your garments

They used to place roses at your feet and kiss each cheek upon your return, now you're horrible

"Grand rising, King" a lure to enchantment, but all these dreams led to scars and banishment

I am not that peace to covet while you remain without it, seeking rays of relief—I am not this

The world beyond our wall can fall apart creating a domino, today or tomorrow no one knows which

You can love me today and tomorrow meet with estrangement, our commitment's paper thin as cash is

Hung on the tides of time she is, my lady luck with otherworldy furs that peta can't splash red

©2022 loose.leaf.lover